Mr. Lava's Trash Music Compendium

Another round-up of the best, the worst, and the most intriguing trash of the past and present.

(April 2002)         

Infinite Mass - Enter the Dragon
Swedish rap group that combines qualities of every white American rap outfit. As "Enter the Dragon" opens, we wonder: Is that Kid Rock? And later: Is that the Beastie Boys? Fortunately, the band has also injected a live dirty bassline interpretation of The KLF's "What Time is Love." Prepare for Bruce Lee moves on the dance floor.

Paula - Als Es Passierte (Radio Edit)
Paula hails from Berlin, as a Berlin waitress proudly informed me when she saw my CD purchase on the coffee table. Elke Brauweiler's vocals somehow manage to sound both fragile and strong at once, and the combination of electronic sounds and live instruments makes for a perfect pop blend.

Levy 9 - I'm Not Scared (Hard Tunes Mix)
Dull Pet Shop Boys-scribed late-80s song sung by Patsy Kensit's band Eighth Wonder is given a right good walloping by the dependably trashy Italian dance label S.A.I.F.A.M. Ferocious.

Janardana - I.O.U.
Janardana's "I.O.U." is perhaps the strangest song of the year; something about alien invaders who aren't blue. Is this a direct affront to the blue-obsessed Eiffel 65? A real puzzler.

Maskara - Dansez (Pironyx Hit Radio)
The sound of a French dominatrix cracking a whip at a rave. "On Pierre! . . . On Antoinette! . . . On Jean-Claude!"

ATB - You're Not Alone
Olive, who wrote the original hit tune back in 1997, did 90% of the work here, but ATB has done a serviceable job turning it into more of a boom-boom number for the dancefloor.

Le Click - Call Me (Euro Radio Mix) (Rap)
Nothing to do with the Blondie track of the same name; but a classic slice of uplifting Eurodance, again employing that ubiquitous female vocalist/male rapper formula. The "group's" original vocalist, Melanie Thornton, split to become the voice of the mighty La Bouche; but this song was recorded after that departure.

DJ Piccolo - If You Really Love Me
Continuing with the theme of yearning love, DJ Piccolo's "If You Really Love Me" is the prettiest song ever sung by a Dr. Who droid. Can you dance with a hanky in your hand?

System One - Talk About Your Life
System One took Michael Oldfield's overbearing "Talk About Your Life" (which reminds me of Andrew Lloyd Webber's lesser efforts, unfortunately), kept the good bits and dumped the bad, and sculpted something rather wonderful out of it all. Its warm, analog synth sounds remind me of those of the Boards of Canada; those sections are sandwiched between that familiar acid bit from Darude's "Sandstorm" (see also Ratty's "Sunrise [Here I Am]" and Laut Sprecher's "Omnibus" for more of the Darude bandwagon trend).

Dirt Devils - The Drill (Lisa Pin-Up Mix)
"Biggest baddest mutha" Lisa is part of the UK "hardhouse" scene, whose records are characterized by this sort of relentless clobbering. Headache-inducing, yet empowering.

Brisk & Trixxy - Eye Opener (Brisk 99 Remix)
The wonderfully-named (and, in this underappreciated genre, especially talented) Brisk and Trixxy deliver the happy hardcore goods. Never has the sentiment of pointing something at your temple with the intent to kill sounded so wonderful.

Rednex - Old Pop in an Oak
Rednex found success even in the United States with country/Eurodance hybrid "Cotton Eye Joe," but for my money "Old Pop in an Oak" is better. Good for line-dancing at any venue where a ten-gallon hat is de rigeur.

De Deurzakkers - Pizzahaha 2002
Girl Scout standard (based upon the Moroccan children's tune "Ram Sam Sam") transformed into a Dutch hit. Later, in 2003, DJ Ötzi put out his own version of the song as the "Burger Dance."

Paula - Als Es Passierte (Andreas Dorau Remix)
This mix is a creepy way to wrap things up. Sparse, spooky, and certain to deliver goosebumps when the haunting refrain drifts back in.

(April 2002)                     

Nu NRG - Dreamland
A beautiful track from back in the days when trance songs actually had more than one idea to carry them along.

Timo Maas - To Get Down
Makes a good dancefloor companion piece to most of the Sweet's recorded output. Featured in the 2003 remake of the Italian Job in that scene where Charlize Theron was test-driving the Mini-Cooper. Ker-ching!

JT and the Big Family - I Kick You in a Ditch
1994 or 1995
JT and the Big Family express frustration over the modern dating scene in their polemic "I Kick You in a Ditch." "Ditch," it turns out, rhymes with "bitch," as JT and his family repeatedly remind us. They self-describe this song as "the final frontier of acid jazz," but acid jazz disagreed.

JCA - I Begin to Wonder
"JCA's "I Begin to Wonder" sounds kinda like Kylie Minogue getting a good screwing by a hot Italian producer," I wrote in the original 2002 review of this song, and by odd coincidence, a year or two after I wrote the previous sentence, JCA hooked up with Dannii Minogue, who in turn performed a cover of this original. The two versions sound nearly identical, though Dannii apparently tossed in two additional lines of lyrics, which apparently was enough to earn her a co-writing song credit.

T-Seven - Passion
T-Seven writes an ode to "Passion." The song opens with a heavy synth riff and is then carried onward by a strong female vocal before a chanting pleasure droid blunders into the tune.

Lilu - Little Girl (Eiffel 65 Mix)
Lilu racks up cute points by singing about the challenges one faces being a "Little Girl," or, as she puts it, a "leedle" girl (AWWWWWW!!!!!). Eiffel 65 weigh in with their trademark piano melodies.

Plaything - Into Space (Public Domain Mix)
Snags a chunk of Sheila B. Devotion's disco-epic "Spacer" and transforms it into a wacked-out house stomper. For those who like to keep score, Alcazar also sampled "Spacer" as the foundation for "Crying at the Discoteque."

Wavetraxx - Freedom
Wavetraxx is Mr. Chris Menzi, who was kind enough to talk to us on this very Web site. He writes about "Freedom," a topic much in vogue. Highlight of this epic trancer is the bit where it sounds like we're levitating into the belly of a massive space ship followed by a sudden ejaculation over a mixed metaphor.

Caater - Free My Body (K-System Remix)
Caater is an Estonian dance project; K-System a Finnish one. They ask—nay—implore you to "Free My Body." But how do you free a body, exactly? The answer to this incomprehensible question is undoubtedly contained within this walloping dancefloor monster.

DJ Paul Elstak - Rainbow in the Sky (K & A's Radio/Extended Blast)
It sounds an awful lot like "Sunshine After the Rain," a tune that was released around the same time by Berri. After a thorough trolling of the web, I have found no explanation as to why this happened, or if somebody ripped-off somebody else (serious pop music historians don't seem to focus on these genres, as there is apparently more to ponder in the life of Warren Zevon). I only know that I like the Paul Elstak tune a lot more, so I plug it here especially.

Steven Z - Equinox
Opera aria sampled and joined to booming Italo beats.

Asia Gang - You're the One That I Want
With "You're the One That I Want," Asia Gang takes the best song from the musical "Grease" and transforms it into something...else! It comes complete with an enthusiastic chorus of Italian chicks.

P-Control - The Clown Song
P Control's "The Clown Song," wherein techno meets circus sounds, is funny the first time you hear it, and then not so funny the second time, and then you don't play it anymore after that.

Infinite Mass - She's a Freak
Infinite Mass's "She's a Freak" is, ostensibly, a heartfelt tribute to club girls, but it also manages to come across as wildly sexist and pedophilic. A masterpiece.

The compendiums:

2001 06/07
2001 08
2002 01
2002 01
2002 01/02
2002 04
2002 06
2002 09
2002 10/11
2002 12/2003 01
2003 02
2003 03/04
2003 05/06
2003 06
2003 08
2003 09
2003 10/12
2004 02/07
2004 07/09
2004 11
2004 12
2005 01/03
2005 05/09
2005 09
2005 12
2006 03
2006 06/09
2006 11/12
2007 01/03
2007 04/05
2007 06/07
2007 09/10
2008 01
2008 04/06
2008 06/07
2008 09/12
2009 02
2009 04/06
2009 08/09
2009 10/11
2010 01
2010 02/03
2010 04/07
2010 08/10
2010 11
2011 01/03
2011 04/05
2011 06
2011 09

© 1997—2011 King Pigeon Productions