Mr. Lava's Trash Music Compendium

Another round-up of the best, the worst, and the most intriguing trash of the past and present.

(December 2002)         

Paffendorf - Crazy, Sexy, Marvelous
It's been a long time since Paffendorf's two-note masterpiece "Where Are You?" Since then they've treated us to a string of so-so singles. But wait no longer—the true heir to "WAY?" has arrived: "Crazy, Sexy, Marvelous (Club Mix)" sees Paffendorf returning to profoundly stupid form.

2PM - Sonata
2PM's "Sonata" put many a smile on a Norwegian clubber's face. Mozart would certainly have approved. Remember Walter Murphy's "A Fifth of Beethoven"? Same concept.

Blacklight feat. Technoir - Love Like Blood (The Joker Remix)
Killing Joke's "Love Like Blood" just didn't sound cool to the anti-goth/industrial coalition all those years ago. But in the hands of Blacklight featuring Technoir, who enlisted the none-more-appropriately named "Joker" to turn in a definitive "Joker mix," the song becomes a thing of astonishing power. Ready your black lipstick!

The Tamperer (featuring Maya) - Feel It
With Farolfi's and Maya's "Sun Rising in the USA" climbing the Italian dance charts, it's time to revisit an older classic delivered by the team of Farolfi/Fargetta/Maya, who conspired under the name "The Tamperer." 1998's "Feel It," encourages every wronged woman to march into the bedroom, confront her cheating boyfriend, and ask him what that hussy he's with will "look like with a chimney on her." How does that lyric make any sense?

Atomic Kitten - The Tide is High/Get the Feeling
Atomic Kitten's "The Tide is High/Get the Feeling" is a sort of mash-up between those two songs, and is popular in British karaoke bars.

Jason Nevins vs. Eric B & Rakim - I Know You Got Soul
Jason Nevins took Eric B and Rakim's funky 1987 hit "I Know You Got Soul" and transformed it into a dancefloor monster.

Håkan Lidbo - Bad Girls Go to Hell (Fast and Furious Mix)
So manic, so wild, so "fast and furious," as the mix title informs us. It's Håkan Lidbo's "Bad Girls Go to Hell," which sounds like a computer having a nervous breakdown. Mellower versions of the tune were released later; but why would you want them?

Zucchero - Baila Morena (Baila [Sexy Thing])
After all that cocaine wears off, slow down to the sexy grind of Zucchero's "Baila Morena," perfectly designed for dancing on the tables to at the end of a long night in a Polish pub.

Kate Ryan - Désenchantée (Club Mix)
OK, so see if you can follow this: Belgian Kate Ryan's beautiful "Désenchantée (club mix)" is a tranced-up cover of a song originally written and performed by the French Mylène Farmer, who has had a solo career of note for over a decade and a half, and who is now overseeing Alizee's career. Man, it's a world of Euro-incest out there!

DJ Valium feat. Michael Zager - Let's All Chant (2002)
DJ Valium featuring Michael Zager's superb "Let's All Chant (2002)" brings a 70's dancefloor classic kicking and screaming into the 21st century. This is the perfect embodiment of Euro-stupido dance music. Thanks to DJ Leeor for pointing this one out to me.

Secret Tunes - House of the Rising Sun
How many lyrics do you have to crib before you can call your song a cover? For example, if you take only a quarter of the lyrics to The Animal's classic "House of the Rising Sun" and turn it into a pop/trance song for some outfit calling themselves Secret Tunes, are you really doing a cover, or are you just playing a broken record with the bass turned up? Regardless, it works.

Farolfi - Sun's Rising on the USA
Much-maligned rock outfit Genesis finds redemption in the hands of Farolfi as "Turn it On Again" becomes the backbone for "Sun's Rising on the USA." I could cry, it is so wonderful. Sadly, years later (17 May 2007), I have to conclude that like too many other Italo anthems from around this time, an unmixed version of the song is pretty much impossible to track down.

Black Legend - You See the Trouble With Me
Black Legend's "You See the Trouble With Me" has been on my mind, lately, as the beat is the same as that used on Mad'House's "Like a Prayer" cover. Barry White was sampled for the vocals appended to the original version; since Mr. White didn't give his blessing, the official release contained a different vocalist. A typical Eurodance story. I hope you enjoyed that.

Scooter - How Much is the Fish? (Live Version)
Of all the versions, live or remixed, of Scooter's "How Much is the Fish?" perhaps the grandest one of all is that featured on their 2002 live album Encore: Live and Direct, if only because it ends with a spirited attempt to cover "Surfin' Bird." I only call it an "attempt," mind you.

(January 2003)

The image above is not posted to cruelly remind Germans of last year's World Cup defeat. Rather, it is to demonstrate that, with enough time, we can look back on these things and laugh. What?!?!? We can't?!?!!!? Ooops!!!!

M.I.K.E. presents Plastic Boy - Silver Bath
M.I.K.E. presents Plastic Boy. Hi, Plastic Boy, nice to meet you! So, you're a friend of M.I.K.E.'s, eh? Welcome to the "Eurotrash or Eurotreasure?" Web site! You've written an instrumental trance tune called "Silver Bath"? Something about the dangers of playing with mercury? Sure I'm interested! Hmm! Somehow it reminds me of Duran Duran's "Save a Prayer." Great work, Plastic Boy!

Novaspace - Dancing With Tears in My Eyes
Novaspace are rifling through Europe's top forty charts from the 1980s, and have produced another winning cover: "Dancing With Tears in My Eyes." Since you seem to be taking 80's requests, Novaspace, how about updating Berlin's "No More Words"?

Dr. Alban - It's My Life
Dr. Alban received a degree in dentistry during the 1980s (true!). Later, under the guidance of the late great Denniz Pop, he enjoyed a string of hit tunes, including the essential Eurodance classic "It's My Life."

Steps - Tragedy
Ah, the fallen Brit groups of the 1990's! Few on this side of the pond have ever heard of the now defunct Steps. Interested? Then check out their stellar take on the Bee Gee's classic "Tragedy" (and keep Maurice Gibb in your thoughts).

Jeanette - Rock My Life
Jeanette's current German smash pop hit "Rock My Life" sounds almost EXACTLY like Roxette's "You Got the Look." In fact, I'm sure some kid somewhere has already mashed the two together.

Freyia - Mist
A prime slice of Italo house; both smooth AND chunky. I love it when the singer sings, "We must take the most of our time [sic]. I neadda yearn!" I have recently learned that Frejya was a Viking goddess of fertility; this sensual dance tune pays appropriate homage to her and her work.

Syke 'n' Sugarstarr - Release Your Mind (Beep-Bob-Mix)
Syke 'n' Sugarstarr join the long list of dance artists who implore you to "Release Your Mind." The song is super slinky.

Mad'House - Borderline
Mad'House's follow up single to their Madonna cover "Like a Prayer" cover was none other than Madonna cover "Like a Virgin." We opt for the more innocent Madonna cover "Borderline." I mean, I'm running a family Web site here. Singer Buse Unlu became a mom in 2002, and after a failed 2003 solo comeback bid, she and all her other former Mad'house collaborators evidently drove off a cliff together.

Dallas Superstars - Helium
Dallas Superstars hail from Finland, and the frantic insanity of their "Helium" hints at the thriving Scandinavian death metal scene. Note: The Fins have discovered the word "crunk"!

DT8 - Destination
DT8's "Destination" is yet another one of those blue-eyed trance vocal thingies (this blue-eyed trance vocal courtesy of Kim Wilde's youngest sister, Roxanne), but it's a little lovelier than most, so hell, we'll plug it.

Rednex - Cotton Eye Joe (2002)
Rednex update their legendary bluegrass/techno hybrid "Cotton Eye Joe" for 2002. I know it's 2003 already, but hey, we're digging our way out of a mountain of work, here!

Galleon - One Sign
Galleon who came to fame scoring a Levis commercial, are now known by many as the band with the EXTEMELY! HOT! CHICK! in their videos. But "One Sign" also has the added bonus of being a great piece of feel-good French house.

Mark'Oh - I Surrender
Trash titan Mark'Oh's soaring pop trance ditty "I Surrender" strikes that perfect balance between Euro-cheese and Euro-fromage. Wait a minute! Our editor informs us that "fromage" is actually a French word for "cheese"! What could this all mean? And what will be the ultimate fate of this review? Tune in next week for the exciting conclusion!

Elgar - Sweetie Pie
Elgar's "Sweetie Pie" is one of the strangest little tunes to come out of Europe in recent months. Apparently Billie Holiday is alive and well and sings in a martian voice.

Roxette - The Look
You may as well slip in Roxette's international smash hit "The Look", since Jeanette has us all thinking about that tune once again. And pardon me for getting all serious on you, but Roxette's Marie is fighting cancer—another reason to keep the Euro-legends in your thoughts.

The compendiums:

2001 06/07
2001 08
2002 01
2002 01
2002 01/02
2002 04
2002 06
2002 09
2002 10/11
2002 12/2003 01
2003 02
2003 03/04
2003 05/06
2003 06
2003 08
2003 09
2003 10/12
2004 02/07
2004 07/09
2004 11
2004 12
2005 01/03
2005 05/09
2005 09
2005 12
2006 03
2006 06/09
2006 11/12
2007 01/03
2007 04/05
2007 06/07
2007 09/10
2008 01
2008 04/06
2008 06/07
2008 09/12
2009 02
2009 04/06
2009 08/09
2009 10/11
2010 01
2010 02/03
2010 04/07
2010 08/10
2010 11
2011 01/03
2011 04/05
2011 06
2011 09

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